Shameless Hussie #16

I WANT TO CONTROL EVERYTHING :

We take walks out into nature to remind ourselves that we can be calm in the face of insurmountable chaos. The trees sit in quiet majesty and we can laugh at all of the tragedy that troubles our souls. There are all of these people that we cling to as we feel increasingly more desperate and scared of the unknown. “Why are you doing that?” we wonder and judge as we do what we believe to be right, in the losing battle of trying to make everything look like the fantasy. The heaviness of our expectations of reality can weigh heavy on the soul until we have become the ugliest of monsters. While attempting to soothe our own savage beasts, we take on the expectations of the people around us, until we are so exhausted that all we have left is anger.

We need the support of like-minded spirits: the nurturing of genuine community. We need to share our story with a friend who understands, so we can feel normal again. We need to control our own actions by accepting our own destiny and by quitting things that aren’t feeding our spirit.

I thought I had to take care of you, but really I just had to take care of myself; letting go of forever was a necessary wave in my evolution as a human being. If I am trying to make this fit into a box of my own delusions, then I am not letting it be itself; everything needs space to grow into the unknown. The world surprises us and that is the scary part. 

                                 (the exciting part)

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